It is very important to do hard things. Men grow by working against resistance. This is true physically. You do not get stronger by sitting on the couch playing Call of Duty and eating Doritos. If a man wishes to get stronger, he must work his body against resistance, both internal and external. Get up early, lift heavy things repeatedly, run, squat, pull, push, and persevere. The body does not become fitter simply by one workout session. Fitness is achieved by stretching one’s body and endurance consistently over an extended period of time.
The same principle applies in every other area of life. We grow cognitively by working against problems. This is why it is important for people to engage their minds in intellectually stimulating exercise. Reading good books (not just entertaining ones), working puzzles, playing games, practicing music and languages, even brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand: all of these stimulate the brain and help to promote and preserve cognitive function. Learning the multiplication tables for the first time is not easy; it is hard, and it is important, and valuable, to do hard things. We grow spiritually by practicing the disciplines of grace against the resistance of daily life and in the fires of affliction. Your lack of patience in traffic, your irritability with your wife, and your unwillingness to stop what you are doing to listen to your child is not only a spiritual failure, it is moral and spiritual laziness and a missed opportunity to grow spiritually. The same principle applies in our emotional life. Our desperate attempts to avoid conflict and play the victim whenever we feel wronged is a major factor in how emotionally weak, pathetic, and dysfunctional most people in the modern western world have become, including in the Church.
When doing hard things, we should resolve never to quit simply because it is hard. The difficulty of a given task is never a reason to abandon it. There are many other valid reasons one may choose to do so. Learning Cantonese seemed like a good idea at the time, but after an extended period of study, you might decide that Spanish would be more useful than trying to master nine different tones. You thought you were ready for a heavier workout in the weight room, but that twinge in your back suggests that pushing through is more likely to result in injury than any positive gains. There is a difference between defeat and strategic withdrawal. It is not only fair but wise to evaluate one’s activities and adjust commitments based upon your particular needs, goals, and resources.
When our children were young, we required each of them to practice a physical discipline, music, and learning a language for a specific period of time. They were not allowed to quit until the designated period had been completed. After that, if they wanted to quit, focus on one, or do other things, they were free to do so. We wanted each of them to have exposure to music, language, and exercise and to gain experience doing something hard for an extended period of time. Not all of them chose to continue those same activities once the period ended. Some did. We hope that all of them benefited from the experience.
No one should ever quit anything simply because it is hard. The fact that it is hard usually means it is good for you. We get better at whatever we do repeatedly. Practice does not make perfect; it makes permanent. If you practice being a quitter, you get very good at quitting hard things. If you practice persevering, you increase your ability to do so when things get hard.
Be careful of rationalizing quitting by making other excuses. Maybe you abandoned Hebrew because you lacked the five minutes per day required to study it, or maybe you simply quit because it was hard. I have seen multiple men start and quickly quit jiu-jitsu because they did not like getting tapped out. Did you expect to take a few lessons and immediately dominate those who have trained in grappling for many years? Before you abandon a commitment you made, be sure that you have a valid reason for doing so.
It is better not to make a commitment than to make it without sufficient forethought and back out quickly. Make a plan before embarking on a new adventure. Decide what you will do and why you want to do it. Be sure you have the time, resources, and focus to begin. Then, before you begin, decide how long you will continue before you are allowed to stop. That might be a month or ninety days or six months or three years. A man who joins the military makes a commitment (usually 4-6 years) before he is allowed to separate. Make a contract with yourself, and at the end of the contract, if you do not find a particular activity valuable, you are free to abandon it without regret.
It is important to do hard things, to challenge and stretch ourselves regularly and deliberately, in every aspect of our lives. There may be many reasons to quit a particular activity, but the difficulty involved is never a sufficient reason to do so. Do not build a habit of quitting. If you cannot push yourself to study a language or musical instrument, if you cannot get yourself out of bed to workout or master the desire to eat the entire package of Oreos, what makes you think you will be able to persevere when your marriage is hard, your relationship with your children suffers, or work has become so hectic you would rather be unemployed? Do hard things, and build the habit of continuing to do hard things, even after you do not want to do so.